How to talk to a loved one about debt

Research from MoneySuperMarket shows that a quarter of young people are in debt and 40% feel powerless to change their financial situation. 

As a parent or guardian to a young adult, it's natural to worry about your children's financial well-being, especially when they are transitioning into adulthood and facing the realities of managing their own money.

If you suspect that a loved one is getting into debt and want to help, it's crucial to approach the conversation with empathy, understanding, and practical advice.  

Here’s how to get started: 

1. Be a safe place 

Before diving into the specifics of debt, it's important to create a safe and non-judgmental space for your child to open up to you.  

Begin the conversation by expressing your concern and love. You might say something like, "I've noticed you seem stressed about money lately, and I want to make sure you're okay. Can we talk about it?" 

2. Listen more than you speak 

Once the conversation starts, give your loved one the opportunity to share their experiences and feelings without interruption.  

Listening actively shows that you respect their autonomy and are genuinely interested in understanding their situation.  

Avoid jumping to conclusions or offering solutions too quickly. 

3. Share your own experiences 

Sharing your own financial experiences, including mistakes and lessons learned, can help normalise the conversation and make your loved one feel less isolated.  

It’s important to be honest about the challenges you faced and how you overcame them. This can provide valuable insights and make the discussion more relatable. 

4. Don’t judge 

Let your loved one know that you are there to support them, not to judge.  Use positive language. Instead of saying, "You shouldn't have spent so much," try, "Let's look at ways to manage your spending better." 

Focus on solutions rather than assigning blame. Statements like, "Let's figure out how to improve this situation," are more constructive than, "This is your fault." 

Recognise any positive steps they have already taken, no matter how small. This can boost their confidence and encourage them to keep improving. 

Be patient and compassionate. Understand that managing finances can be overwhelming, especially for young adults, and remind them that many people face financial challenges and that it's a normal part of life. This can help reduce feelings of isolation and shame.  

5. Signpost to resources 

Offer to help them create a budget, find financial resources, or signpost them to online tools and apps designed to help young adults manage their money effectively. There are many debt charities and organisations across the UK that specialise in providing free, independent money advice.  For example, StepChange is a debt charity that provides free and confidential advice. If your loved one needs help applying for benefits or managing their money, they can contact Citizens Advice or Turn2Us – both of which can help them deal with their finances. If you feel that they could use mental health support, there are resources available, too. Anyone in this situation can: 

• Get in touch with a support worker or health professional – such as your local GP. The NHS has a webpage on how to access NHS mental health services 

• Visit CALM – as well as a helpline and live chat, they have plenty of online guides that cover different mental health problems 

• Contact the Samaritans – they also have a free and confidential hotline 

6. Set boundaries and expectations 

While it's important to offer support, it's equally crucial to set boundaries.  

Make it clear that while you are there to help, they need to take responsibility for their financial decisions.  

If you decide to provide financial assistance, establish clear terms and expectations to avoid misunderstandings in the future.