Hi all,

Got a bit of a problem and I'm really struggling to find some advice on what I can do to resolve the problem. Basically I'm in the process of separating from my wife BUT because we're unable to sell our house we're still living together as a 'family' (Dad, Mum & Son).

We decided to separate in Aug 08 but we're still living in the same house as a 'family', all income & bills come from the same bank account and for our sons benefit we still eat together. The problem we have is that because we continue to live as a 'family' we didn't tell the HMRC about this change until May 09 and they're now claiming we should've told them in Aug 08 and they want to reclaim ALL the Child/Working Tax Credit from Aug 08 to May 09 (also on a number of occasions we contacted them we were also told we DID NOT have to change our Child/Working Tax Credit claim until we physically separated). We've appealed their decision and the conflicting information we've been given in the past but this doesn't appear to have helped (though they did apologise for giving us the wrong information - great help!!).

Can anyone out there give us some advice on what we can do next??

You should try using the phrase "informal separation" with them for the period that they are talking about and see what they say. My understanding is that you are not required to notify anyone about an informal separation although I am unsure exactly how they will treat this but, in my opinion, it is your best option.

Reaching a formal separation is usually a gradual process and you are not expected to tell them about each night when, for example, you don't sleep together. Obviously, when you live apart and close all joint accounts you will be formally seperated (you can decide to be "formally separated" before then if you wish) and you should inform the various depatments that need to know. Until you have separate homes my view is that you can call the relationship whatever you like within reason ("on a break" and "trial separation" come to mind), but the phrase "informal separation" does have a legal significance.

You need to agree with your ex which date to use for the separation becoming formal. You should be consistent with the dates for formal/informal separation on any forms that you complete with the different agencies.