It may not be much use to you, but perhaps you should speak to your lender again. In these days with call centres etc, perhaps the person you were speaking to didn't have the skills or experience to understand your situation.

Lenders would much rather help you out than repossess your property. Try calling again and ask to speak to a supervisor, manager or even an underwriter. If that fails, write to them - you're much harder to fob off if their response is going to be in writing.

Don't give up hope, though.